Continuing the Conversation: Religion and Its Impact on Attitudes Toward Gay and Lesbian Families

Last night's event was well received by an audience of about sixty people. Our three panelists, Elizabeth Bennett, Eugene Howard and Keith Swain, shared stories about their lives in and out of church, and the audience engaged the topic at their own tables. Lelanda Lee, a professional anti-racism trainer and member of the Called to Be One series' planning team, moderated the panel's conversation.

Bennett talked about her engagement in a push-pull process, presently from a space outside the formal church body, as she writes, speaks and prays about moving the church to more inclusivity of LGBT people. For Bennett, a lifelong church member who deeply loves her religious upbringing and traditions, and who says she has been very welcomed and loved in her local church community, it has been very difficult to walk apart from her church at this time. She finds it too painful to remain in a church where some of the sacraments are not extended to LGBT people, such as the blessing of same sex marriages and ordination to the episcopacy (becoming a bishop).

Howard shared his journey from a fundamentalist religious background where messages of condemnation of gays was the norm to his being joyful and intentional about living openly as a gay man, being fully who he is in the world. He and his partner and two young sons worship in a welcoming and affirming church as a family. Howard says that the approach his partner and he take to raising their sons is to speak openly and directly about important topics so that his children know that they are loved and cherished and their family and home are safe space.

Swain talked about a special calling that he believes LGBT people have, which is to love those who don't know gays and who may even have antipathy for gays. He told a story of how he was partnered with a religious fundamentalist in a writing project and how he felt called to invite the other person to dinner in his home so that the man could meet his family and see how normal their lives are. Swain also said that he views participation in the church as one of the ways in which families are normalized, because church participation supports and affirms family life. He pointed out that just like in straight families, his teenage son now is grappling with whether or not he believes in God.

The evening also featured the film "The Constant Process," a documentary portrait of the life and theology of the Rev. Susan Russell, a lesbian priest who is the president of Integrity, the LGBT organization in The Episcopal Church. Russell tells the story of how she discerned the call to become ordained and how she came to realize her identity as a lesbian after having been married to a man and raising two children.

Russell said the important question is "Do you love," and not "How or what gender person do you love." Russell indicated that part of her journey has been answering a call to action even when she had never considered doing it before, because God sometimes taps a person on the shoulder, and the call is irresistible. "Doubt is not the opposite of faith," Russell pointed out, in talking about her journey as a lesbian person of faith, stating, "Fear is." She pointed out that it is impossible to separate call from sexual identity from God's mission for us.

The film’s director, Douglas Hunter, is a devout Mormon who has been deeply moved and challenged by his subject. "The engagement of the 'other' was so important in the teaching of Jesus that it had to have a place of centrality in my own faith," Hunter said in a recent interview with the Los Angeles Times. As he made the movie, Hunter found the ingrained attitude toward gays that he had absorbed as a part of his faith begin to change.

Morris Price, from the Gill Foundation, and John Ferguson and Sandy Wilbanks of PFLAG—Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, helped to plan the evening’s event.

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The audience was invited to continue the dialogue by posting their responses to last night's program and discussion questions, which are shown below:

Last Night's Topic:

Greg Movesian, Canon Steward at Saint John’s Cathedral and a member of the planning team, explained: “We aren’t asking whether gay families are okay. At Saint John’s, we know it’s okay to be gay. The focus here is on how well religious denominations are measuring up to their responsibilities toward the gay individuals and families in their congregations. Too many gay people are feeling marginalized by the faiths that should be welcoming them and they’re wondering—like the line in the Clash song—‘Should I stay or should I go?’ and that’s just not okay.”

Last Night's Discussion Questions:

1. What did the speakers say that was surprising to you? What did you learn?

2. Identify some religious attitudes that have impacted gay and lesbian families. What do you think / how do you feel about those attitudes?

3. What are your hopes for religious entities and their attitudes towards lesbian and gay families? What part do you see yourself playing?